Worn: A Personal Blog

In the midst of my pain and sadness

 

I need you.

 

Through my fear and failures

Through my past PAINFUL past that still comes back to haunt me like a thief in the night

When depression overtakes me and the burdens of life swallow my soul

 

I need you.

 

From the depths of despair that holds me ransom to the valley of desperation and defeat.

In the midst of chaos and when I feel like I cannot take one more breath.

 

I need you.

I need YOU, Jesus.

 

But why do you seem so silent?

Why do you seem so far away?

You said you would never leave me.

You said you would never forsaken me.

But why does it feel like you are not even here?

The loneliness eats away every fiber of my being and my soul feels crushed.

My mind is foggy and I feel confused.

I am tattered and worn.

I feel like I am drowning.

Don't let me drown.

Please don't let me drown.

 

Be near me Lord.

Save me.

Breathe LIFE into this empty soul.

 

Fill me with your love and presence.

Quench these dry bones and fill my cup.

I want to feel.

I want to feel alive again.

 

Revive me.

Renew me.

Make me new.

Heal me.

Rescue me.

 

Break the silence

and come fill me up again.

 

 

Preaching to myself here...

 

Been battling with a lot of things. And I am not going to lie. I am not perfect. Nobody is. But life sometimes takes you by the horns and says "NOPE. YOU aren't in control."

I normally try to make the best of every situation, but sometimes I just feel so defeated.

So degraded and so unvalued.

I understand it. The enemy's purpose in life is to make me MISERABLE.

But I will refuse to live that way.

I will not let death overtake me.

But I am not going to lie.

IT IS HARD.

But I am doing my best.

But I have to remember that.....

As imperfect as I am

He still loves me the same.

Humans are not perfect. They hurt you. They upset you. They will fail you.

But God NEVER will.

Remember that promise....

REMEMBER that.

God is always ALWAYS there....

Always.

Brittany: Fort Wayne, IN Glamour Photography

Glam Session: Brittany

Fort Wayne, Indiana

Hair and Makeup provided by me, a licensed hair stylist and makeup artist

 

COMING SOON for Fall 2014! Glamour Girlz Boutique Portraits and Parties

Coming Soon! 

Glamour Girlz Portraits and Party Packages 

Check back soon for more info! :) Here is a taste of what to expect....

Megan: Snider High School Class of 2014: Fort Wayne, IN Senior Photography

How To Grow Long, Healthy and STRONG Hair

(FYI I did not take this photo) :)

Hey ladies!

We LOVE having beautiful hair, so we do what we can to make it look gorgeous. But all of that primping can leave our hair dull and lifeless and THAT is NOT beautiful!

There are a few tips I've learned for myself as a hairstylist for 8 years that has helped gain healthier hair for myself AND for my clients.

1. NEVER brush your hair wet. It will break off your ends, giving you frizzy, split ends. You will never grow luscious locks that way! Instead, make sure you are using a wide tooth comb and start at the ends and work your way up to the top to avoid pulling and breaking off those luscious locks. Apply a tiny dab of conditioner if needed. In fact, you can comb it out in the shower.

2. Wear less pony tails if you can. I know, I know. Life is hectic and sometimes the only option you have is to pull your hair back and go. But did you know that ponytails can cause breakage? It's okay to do it once in awhile but don't get into the habit of doing it everyday, especially wet :)

3. Don't wash your hair. That's right. You heard me. Don't wash your hair everyday! "But it gets greasy" you say? There are some GREAT dry shampoos out there. I use they dry shampoo from Sexy Hair. The thing is, when you wash your hair everyday you strip the natural oils right out of your hair, which are essential for healthy hair.

4. Condition your hair everyday. Even when I don't shampoo my hair (which I do every 2-3 days) I always condition my hair because the daily wear and tear tends to give you dry, lifeless hair.

5. Blow dry your hair but don't torch it! If you use ANY sort of hot tool device (curling iron, flat iron, etc) always make sure you protect it with heat protecting spray! Again, I use Sexy Hair heat protecting spray (see a trend? I love Sexy Hair products!) :)

6. Scrub your scalp. Take a few extra minutes while shampooing to scrub that scalp and get that circulation moving! Scrubbing will give your follicles the nutrients it needs to have strong, healthy hair.

(again, I did not take these photos either) :)

Ok so let's talk about FOOD. Awww yeah. Food! I love food. BUT the food I love (like most Americans) aka french fries, pizza and chicken nuggets do NOT produce healthy hair. Sorry :)

Did you know that there are certain kinds of food that give you strong and healthy hair. Not only do they give you gorgeous hair they actually help GROW your hair. Which, if you are anything like me you are usually doing what you can to grow out your hair, especially if you've had a bad crop job! (Just have to throw it out there that I am happy with my short cut and have no plans of growing it out again just quite yet) :)

1. SALMON

Salmon is very rich in Vitamin D and Omega-3 which are key for growing strong and healthy hair. About 3 % of the hair shaft is made up of these fatty acids. Omega-3's are also found in the membranes of your scalp and the natural oils in your scalp that help keep your hair hydrated. Fish person or not. Eat it! It's good for your skin, too :)

But if you absolutely can't stand to eat fish try some avocados or pumpkin seeds.

2. WALNUTS

These also have a significant amount of fatty acids. They are also loaded with biotin and Vitamin E which helps protect your hair from DNA damage. This is great especially in the summer time when your hair rarely gets protection from the sun. They also have copper which helps give your hair a deep, rich and vibrant color. Who wants dull color? Not me! 

3. SWEET POTATOES

I have to admit that I LOVE sweet potatoes. Try them mashed. They are great! Sweet potatoes have a great amount of antioxidants in them, which turns into Vitamin A. It helps protect your scalp and give you the natural oils you need to stay away from ichy scalp resulting in dandruff. And nobody wants that. Yuck!

Don't like sweet potatoes? Try these other beta carotene packed foods: carrots, mangoes, apricots, pumpkins, and cantaloupe. 

4. EGGS

I am a HUGE fan of eggs. Eggs are a GREAT source of protein. They are also loaded with iron, which helps carry oxygen to the follicles. Did you know that too little iron contributes to hair loss? Loosing to much hair? Check to see if you are anemic. You may very well be!

You can also try chicken, pork or beef which are packed with protein as well. 

5. SPINACH

Spinach is another great source of iron, beta carotene, folate and Vitamin C. It helps keep your scalp oils circulating and your hair follicles healthy.

Also try other green veggies such as broccoli or kale. Kale chips are amazing!

6. LENTILS

This is great for vegetarians. Lentils are packed with protein, iron, zinc and biotin. You can also drop some kidney beans in soups as well. I use the bagged beans. They are cheaper and probably a little healthier!

Not only do these foods give you healthier hair, they also give you a healthier mind AND body. So eat up!

For more tips please visit my  Blooming Tree facebook page! I post anything hair, beauty, fitness and photography related :)

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 32

365 Day Photo Challenge

Day 32

Here I am to worship you Lord.

I give you everything I have.

My brokenness.

My pain.

My suffering.

Here I am to worship you Lord.

With all of my joy.

My strength.

With all of my heart. 

You are all that I need Jesus.

You are all I need.

The world brings much pain and suffering.

But through you all things are new.

No matter what circumstance I go through I will always choose to worship you in everything.

Here I am to worship you Lord. 

My God.

For you and you alone are all that I need.

Yingling Family: Fort Wayne, IN Family Photography

I have been photographing this family for years! From wedding to now family. 

As always I LOVE the yearly photos I get to take with this great family.

And I have a confession to make.

I STILL can't tell the difference between Max and Jack! :P

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 14

Hello there! Ok, after the 1st of the year I made it my mission to post a picture...every day...and blog about it...every day...but life got busy and I slacked and it just got to be too difficult. So, what I have decided to do is PICK my FAVORITE image from the last few photos of the day and blog about it. Maybe the ones that mean something to me :) So, here it goes!

Photo of the Day

Day 14

Lately I have been pondering the question as to why God gives us things in our life where we just can't seem to understand how to break past the feelings of anger, frustration, despair, pain. etc. Life is life and sometimes it's just no fun to deal with. Sometimes we wonder whether God exists? In fact He DOES exist whether we want to believe that or not. 

It is so hard but we can't do it alone. We may hate God for a brief time and wonder why? Life is just crappy sometimes. I know first hand. But I have learned that it's not MY burden but God's and only HE has the power to BREAK that chain.

Break that chain of hurt.

Break that chain of anger.

Break that chain of illness.

Break that chain of disease.

Break that chain of destroyed marriages.

Break that chain of broken friendships.

Break that chain of depression.

Break that chain of anxiety.

Break that chain of self destruction.

I could go on and on as there are so many to choose from! But I will stop there.

What is your chain that needs to be broken? 

Give it to God. Let Him break that chain and heal you and give you POWER in the Name of Jesus to move on free of any bondage that may be weighing you down.

There is power in the name of Jesus 
To break every chain 
All sufficient sacrifice 
So freely given
Such a price
Bought our redemption
Heaven's gates swing wide
There is power in the name of Jesus
To break every chain
There's an army rising up
To break every chain
There is power
In the name of Jesus
To break every chain

-Jesus Culture-

2014 Print Prices

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 12

365 Day Photo Challenge
Day 12

I'm not going to lie. Last year was REALLY rough for our family. It has been the toughest year by far that we have ever had to endure together. God has really been putting us through a test: test to see how we will endure through chaos. Patience and waiting on God's timing is the key to living a life that's free of worry.

Worry, worry, worry is what I tend to do best. I worry and I freak out because I can't see the road ahead of me and I can't control it. I wonder sometimes why God just doesn't send down notes or little hints on what my future holds. But what fun would that be? How would that help my walk in Christ.

See God wants us to TRUST in Him. He wants us to walk in faith knowing that is vision and his plan for our life is far greater than what we can even imagine. Although I cannot see it now I KNOW that things will turn around because God is faithful. God is still God even in the hard times.

I don't know what the future holds but I do know that I will be pressing on believing for a change.

This picture is something I will cherish for years. I had made this little "love note" dry erase board for my our 10 year wedding anniversary. We keep it in our bathroom and we write little notes on it for each other. Usually it's about a once a week occurrence most of the time but I think it's so important to let your spouse know how much you care for them.

My husband is encouraging. Even though times are tough he knows that it WILL get better.

This WILL be our year!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Jeremiah 29:11

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 11

365 Day Photo Challenge
Day 11

The fondest memory I have of my kids when they were very tiny is reading to them. We read to them every night before bed. There are nights where it just doesn't happen but most nights we read. Next to prayer time reading is the most important part of our night. It gives the kids a chance to wind down.

My oldest is 7 (and a half if you are counting!) and he is now in first grade. He is reading smaller books and he enjoys it for the most part. 

Our favorite books are the Little House on the Prairie books. My boys have great imaginations and these books definitely keeps them thinking of how it was like living in a time period with no TV, no video games, no tablets, no phones. 

I hope they will always remember reading time and I hope they will always be fond of it like me. I hope it's a tradition they will carry onto their children.

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 10

365 Day Photo Challenge
Day 10

I remember the day he started sucking his thumb. It was a hot September day. I was driving to my parents' house and he was just NOT happy. He was always a colicky baby. He cried A LOT. We had a hard time calming him 
down most times and sometimes all he needed was a good nap! But for whatever reason he was just NOT happy on this particular day.

He was screaming at the top of his lungs (which was normal for him). I was driving and very frustrated because I could not calm him down. This crying went on for a good 10 minutes straight until....SILENCE.....

I couldn't believe my ears. He was QUIET!

As soon as I got to my parents I pulled in the driveway, got out of the car to check on him and low and behold he was sucking on his thumb! It was a miracle!

See, we had tried pacifiers and they never worked. He never liked them. 

Christian is 7 1/2 now and he's still my baby boy. He may act like a tough kid in front of his friends but deep down inside he still loves his thumb and his "bebe" (His blankie which is now just a little shredded 4x4 inch square) He still likes to cuddle and he still loves all of his stuffed animals.

He is getting so big. So big in fact that he takes up most of the couch! He's the size of an 8 year old and he wears deodorant! :( (shhh don't tell him I told you!) But no matter how big he gets he will always be my baby. And no matter how challenging he is I will always love him. 

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 9

365 Day Photo Challenge
Day 9

Last night I had a dream that I was floating down the river in a boat. It brought me back to when my husband and I took our boys canoeing this past summer. It was so calm and so peaceful (minus the kids crying because they thought we were lost!) 

Have you ever interpreted a dream before? I have and I learned from the best! My husband is actually REALLY great at interpreting dreams. 

Normally I don't remember dreams. Sometimes I have these crazy dreams, but they don't feel significant to me. But there are dreams that I know from the moment I wake up that MEAN something. I believe not only do they represent an important part of your life but I believe that God speaks to us through dreams.

We talk talk talk to God. We get busy and move move move with our day to day lives that we don't stop to LISTEN to God NOW. Sometimes the only way for Him to get through to us is making himself present in our dreams.

To dream of a river represents negative situations in life. It represents obstacles we have to face as humans. We are confronting unfamiliar or unwanted situations but situations that are important in our life. To dream of FLOATING down a river represents NAVIGATING those unfamiliar and unwanted situations. How well you navigate down that river reflects how you deal with the problems in your life.

In my dream last night the waters were a little rocky. The boat was tossing and turning and I found myself holding onto dear life, trying to keep myself from falling in! But there came a point during my journey down this river that the waters calmed down and I was able to navigate without any problems.

Life has been full of difficult situations for me, no doubt! Reflecting on this dream I have come to realize that I have not been handling the unfamiliar situations well. I've been trying to navigate the boat on my own, keeping myself from falling in and drowning in the waters. I have tried and tried to deal with things on my own, but have only cried out to God for help when I completely fail on my own.

Have you ever been through a situation like that? Where you have tried SO HARD to navigate that boat on your own, but you get tossed around and around? You go back and forth, back and forth. But have you just STOPPED and asked God to help you? Don't wait until you are ready to crack. Ask God for strength NOW and you will be able to deal with your problems as they come.

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 8

365 Day Photo Challenge

Day 8

Fires are beautiful. Don't you think? 

Fires can bring people together. In my 

family our fireplace is the heart of our family room. We love hanging out with 

each other, listening to the crackle of the warm flames.

But as we all know, fires can also tear 

things apart.

Think about how fires are started. With a little spark. One spark can ignite a whole 

forest fire.

It reminds me of how words can either bring people together or ignite a wildfire of malice 

and rage.

Are you being care of which words you 

choose? Are you choosing words of love or 

are you choosing words that cause damage? 

Trust me. This is a heart check for me, too. 

I have moments of bitterness and anger 

and I blaze up some heat with people I am supposed to love the most. 

But we aren't meant to live life that way. 

You MUST choose your words wisely and put 

out any fire you know will do harm.

God wants us to show love and compassion 

for people. Even those who don't deserve 

it the most.

Don't let your words be fuel to fire.

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 7

Day 7

This was actually supposed to posted yesterday, but I came down with a REALLY bad migraine last night. So bad that I almost had to go to the ER. My head never hurt so bad in my life! But thank God I am healed and I DIDN'T have to go to the hospital.

Have you ever been so beat up? So tired? So...worn? I mean just so tattered and so beaten down to the point of pure exhaustion? I have and I am there right now.

I truly believe God knows what He's doing and that He has a marvelous plan beyond what I can see, but right now it's hard to grasp and difficult to understand why I am struggling so much right now.

I am blessed beyond measure with 2 wonderful little boys and a great husband. I have a wonderful house, wonderful friends and an awesome God. So why do I struggle so much?

Almost a year ago my husband and I went through a very difficult situation and we were hurt by many people (CHURCH people) who we thought were our friends. We didn't know how we'd move on. We were hurt. We were angry. We were confused and we had said things we shouldn't have. We have tried to forgive and forget.

We felt abandoned. It ripped us apart. It ripped us apart so bad that it nearly ended our marriage of 10 years. It was the worst thing I have ever had to go through and I'm still struggling from it at times.

We are still struggling to see where God is leading us. But we are choosing to trust in Him and have faith that He has us right where He wants us.

Life will never be perfect but we serve a perfect God.

Have you heard of the song "Worn" from Tenth Avenue North?

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too week
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 6

365 Day Photo Challenge

Day 6

Today was the most bitter cold day I have ever experienced. It was very well into the NEGATIVES. WAY too cold for me. And it was so cold that we were under a state wide emergency to stay off of the roads until 6pm. And clearly, there was no school. No work. Everyone was confined to their homes. Most of the time I wouldn't be OK with this because I tend to get a little stir crazy. With 2 young and active boys it can get downright stressful. I'm not going to lie!

But I think that God brings on days like today for a reason. We get so stressed living our day to day lives that we forget to stop and SLOW DOWN and savor every moment that we can. In the midst of jobs, school, extra curricular activities and even church we forget that life doesn't stop. And if we aren't careful to stop and enjoy our kids we will miss them growing up.

Christian is in 1st grade and Wesley is inching his way towards Kindergarten. My babies are growing up. There will come a day very shortly that both of them will be in school ALL DAY and there will be nothing left but an empty home. And when the time comes when they are out of the house for good I will be stuck as an "empty nester" and I'm not sure how I feel about that quite yet.

Today was a good day. There wasn't too much fighting and not much yelling on my end. I was content on how things were. Today we lived a simple life. 

I will always cherish days like today because in a blink of an eye time will have passed, they will have grown and moved on and all I will have left of my little boys is memories. As much as they drive me crazy sometimes I will NEVER stop loving them.

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 5

365 Day Photo Challenge Day 5 

 So, if you live anywhere near me you may have noticed that it as snowed a bit! ;) A BIT. Sense the sarcasm? This picture definitely doesn't represent the magnitude of this blizzard. 

I mean, we got hit pretty good! So good in fact that we are banned to leave our home unless of an emergency until tomorrow night (Monday night) at 6pm. Which means that my 1st grader doesn't have school and I don't have to work my "other" job :) And I am not taking any clients tomorrow. And that I'm ok with. Until one of my rowdy boys ends up hurt. Which is very likely!

 I love the beauty of snow. Don't hate me all of you snow haters! But I really do. I find it so beautiful. So calm. So quiet. So pure. It reminds me of God and how because of HIM we can be as pure as snow. 

 No matter how much we have sinned and fallen from Him He will always take us back and wash us clean if we just run to Him and repent.

 It reminds me of this old hymn that I have loved ever since I was little... 

 What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus; What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

 Oh! precious is the flow That makes me white as snow; No other fount I know, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. 

For my pardon, this I see, Nothing but the blood of Jesus; For my cleansing this my plea, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. 

Nothing can for sin atone, Nothing but the blood of Jesus; Naught of good that I have done, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. This is all my hope and peace, Nothing but the blood of Jesus; 

This is all my righteousness, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Now by this I’ll overcome— Nothing but the blood of Jesus; Now by this I’ll reach my home— Nothing but the blood of Jesus. 

Glory! Glory! This I sing— Nothing but the blood of Jesus, All my praise for this I bring— Nothing but the blood of Jesus.